CLUELESS Awe-stray-lia
  • You know those songs that make you want to learn a particular instrument purely so you can play your favourite part?

  • Thanks to "The Devil Wears a Suit" by my beloved Kate Miller-Heidke I now must learn to play the banjo.

  • It's like the closer I get to a guy the more invisible I become to them.

  • Kind of like a guy I'm working with.

  • Turns out he's gay.

  • Welcome to my love life.

Music Boxes Hold Symphonies Because Lullabies Eventually Fail Us


I was five when I believed his soft-serve beard would stay white through the chimney. My winter blankets, a gingerbread-man-button kind of red to contrast the peppermint green pillows. My eyes fought to stay open but the mashed potato and gravy had a knack for lullabying me into surrender,…

// Beauty and Trust. //

When I was eighteen I met my first real boyfriend and experienced a kind of love I was unfamiliar with. I had never been in a true relationship before and while we dated and dined like a normal couple I also recall a past-time that was uniquely ours.

We would lay on your bed, hand in hand or somehow entwined - we were always touching - and would simply let silence befall us. I remember thinking how strange it was, that we both enjoyed the mere presence of each other. Minutes would pass quickly and sometimes even flowed on to hours. We weren’t counting.

The longer we were together the less silence we had. Those empty, comfortable spaces were filled with questions of the past and the future and saying nothing was always interpreted as a sign, not a pleasantry.

I now think of those days and wonder if that silence did speak. If it meant trust.

I never noticed how I make conversation to avoid any awkward pauses. I’m worried about what I’ll hear. I don’t trust those quiet moments anymore. I’ll question what I do hear, and doubt what I know. Be silent and you risk convicting yourself. Trust is fear.

I’ll know when I’ve found him. I’ll enjoy every word he doesn’t say and every question that never comes to mind. There is beauty in silence. Beauty and trust.

// Dear Cupid,//

I’m getting a little tired of that sharp pain in my rear that signals you’ve loosed another arrow.

It seems like every time I experience love it is either one-sided or too complicated to pursue.

To love without being loved in return is truly the worst one can ever feel. I give a piece of myself to another but am left as an incomplete puzzle.

I am lonely, Cupid. I am afraid.

Is your eyesight failing you or do you enjoy these games? Your quiver of arrows is shrinking and I worry that you’ll never have the chance to hit your target.

Aim. Aim well and fire true.
My dear Cupid, it’s the least you can do.

  • Finally finished season three...

  • Words cannot describe.

I’m still trying to decide what I wanna be when I grow up.
  • I thought I knew everything there was to know about myself and then someone asked me what my favourite electric type Pokemon was.

  • Men like to complain that women are impossible to understand at times/at all and while that can be true I would like to counter that thought with my own personal experience.

  • We meet. We go on a few (not) dates and you go overseas and drop all communication. You come back and contact me. We hang out again, and I say I want us to be working towards something which is 'cool' with you. You introduce me to your best friend and we have a movie night. Then...

  • No contact. For like three months.

  • Granted I only texted you once and didn't persist but really?

  • Then here I am, in Melbourne, spending time with some very lovely company and who should text me?

  • "Hey hey. Movie night on the weekend?"

  • Lolwhut.

  • There you have it my friends! Man in all of his simplicity.

  • I plan on texting him a "no" in three months time because apparently that's acceptable communication.

Don't take me seriously...Unless I'm serious.