CLUELESS Awe-stray-lia
  • I don't know what to do anymore.

  • What is wrong and what is right?

  • My world is composed entirely of shades of grey. There's no black or white to be seen. How can I make a clear decision if there is none?

  • I'm the happiest and strongest I've been in years and I don't know how to exist like this. This isn't familiar. It's alien. I can't even remember what Earth looks like. All I know is that it wasn't grey.

  • Going to bed with a smile on my face tonight. Had lunch with my best friend before she goes to Europe and had a lovely gentleman pick me up from home, take me to dinner and the movies and kiss me goodnight.

  • Here come the warm and fuzzies.

  • There is nothing more frustrating than trying to make someone believe that you are telling the truth. Especially when the conniving bitch that started the problem doesn't have her honesty questioned.

  • There is so much anger and offence built up in me that my chest hurts from containing it. I've seen your two faces and I am wary of them. You're not clever enough to hide them forever.

  • I don't want just another friend.

  • Sometimes I think dangerous thoughts. I don't dare to linger on them for more than a few moments, but regardless of how much time passes, these thoughts remain.

  • I think about how you said you wanted someone you weren't afraid to lose, and over a year later and into your new relationship I wonder if you're afraid to lose her.

  • I think about our tumultuous stint together and wonder what exactly it was that didn't work. Why did we keep running in circles? Whose fault was it? Would it ever be any different?

  • I think about how you made me feel, and how I've yet to feel that way again. I wonder if the depth of those feelings was simply too much for you to handle. Where I saw excitement and longevity you saw only temporary bliss.

  • And sometimes, in the early morning when I'm awake and alone in my bed, I think I might still love you.

  • Then the morning comes and the memories fade and I think that it's time to put on my face and act like you're ancient history.

  • Some kind of life lesson?

  • Or something worth forgetting?

  • Just a stray you let in?

  • What was I to you?

  • A scratch on your favourite record?

  • A slip, a blip, a wrong chord?

  • I get why you had to go,

  • But the thing I really want to know is,

  • What was I to you?

  • You know those songs that make you want to learn a particular instrument purely so you can play your favourite part?

  • Thanks to "The Devil Wears a Suit" by my beloved Kate Miller-Heidke I now must learn to play the banjo.

  • It's like the closer I get to a guy the more invisible I become to them.

  • Kind of like a guy I'm working with.

  • Turns out he's gay.

  • Welcome to my love life.

Music Boxes Hold Symphonies Because Lullabies Eventually Fail Us


I was five when I believed his soft-serve beard would stay white through the chimney. My winter blankets, a gingerbread-man-button kind of red to contrast the peppermint green pillows. My eyes fought to stay open but the mashed potato and gravy had a knack for lullabying me into surrender,…

Don't take me seriously...Unless I'm serious.